I have the coolest job. I seriously wouldn't trade it for anything. Some days, I seriously consider doing a second year of JVC just to keep working at BABS. But, not even my awesome job could convince me that I should be doing a second year of JVC. I am very happy that I chose to do it, but it is not something that I think I should repeat. I just hope that I will find something as fulfilling as the work I do now.
I feel like I haven't mentioned my job much in my blog, but there have been a lot of heart-wrenching, reflection-requiring moments at BABS recently that sort of overshadow everything else that has been going on with me. I am familiar with kids with tough home lives, I am familiar with kids with learning disabilities, I am familiar with kids with alcohol and drug issues. Heck, I worked with foster kids for two years! But, just because I have encountered some of these issues before, that doesn't make it easier to deal with. It still breaks my heart to hear stories of abuse, suicide and rape. And unfortunately, I have heard all of these stories in the past two weeks.
I know I have mentioned before that I see many of my students after school hours, at events, in the dorms, ect., so I wasn't at all curious when one of the girls invited me to hang out up at the girl's dorm one day after school. But, it wasn't long before I realized that this student had some things that she wanted to talk about. She ended up sharing with me about her abusive boyfriend and how he started hitting her a few months ago and how she knew she shouldn't want to be with him, but she did. To be completely honest, I'm pretty sure that if this guy had walked in just then, I would have been very tempted to show him a good dose of abuse myself. But, my student wasn't sharing this with me because she wanted to see me try (and probably fail miserably) to beat up her boyfriend. She just wanted someone to talk to, someone that could help her put things in perspective. And, it was kind of funny to talk to her about it because I could totally see parts of myself in her. If good relationships are like a train chugging along smoothly, I seem to always hop on the trains headed straight for the big sign that says "Danger! Track stops here." I seem to enjoy ignoring the warning signs and would rather tell myself that someone probably finished the track already but just forgot to move the sign. Unfortunately, that pretty much always ends up with my train running off the cliff with me looking around going, "Oh. S**t." It was very clear that my student didn't want to hop off the train, she wanted to believe that this guy was her frog that was going to turn into a prince. I do not know what my student will end up doing with her icky frog, but I am happy that my crappy relationship experience could come in handy. If nothing else, I think she was relieved to talk to someone who knew what it was like to be holding onto the slightest glimmer of hope and I just hope our conversation will help her throw out her old playbook for one with some winning plays.
The next intense conversation I had with a student started in a very different way. My kids have a ridiculously inconvenient way of sharing issues. I will be driving 7 students to school in the morning and a student will drop a bomb like, "yea, my dad was drunk and upset last night so I couldn't sleep in the house" or "today is the 3 year anniversary of my best friend's suicide." It is always hard to judge the best way to deal with those comments. I want to acknowledge them, obviously, but I don't want to slip into therapist mode in front of everyone else. I often just come up with some (probably stupid) response and try to talk to the student later, when they are alone. And on this day in particular, I was in a group reading session with some kids when one of them starting looking almost sick and asked to go to the bathroom. When she came back, she looked worse. When I asked her if she was ok, she said no. So, I left the rest of the kids to keep reading and talked to the student about what was going on. After a little bit of prompting, she told me that she was suicidal and she had been trying to tell everyone, even me, for days and no one was getting it. I ended up making sure she had someone (professional) to talk to after school, but it was frustrating because I felt so guilty for missing it earlier. Some staff thought that she was doing it for attention, but in my opinion, I don't care if she was doing it just for kicks, I was not going to take a chance, I was going to make sure she got more help than she could stand, just so she knew that I cared and I took her seriously. But, like my conversation with the student I was mentioned earlier, I don't know where this is going to end. I hope that they are both able to find and accept the help they need, but I hate feeling like I can't fix everything for them. I can only do so much for them and it is ridiculously frustrating.
The last story I have is from another student whose story came to me in little pieces. First, I heard that he had to go to court to testify. Then, he told me that the guy he was testifying against was a "bad man." Turns out, my student had been raped when he was young by an older man and the perpetrator was just now being prosecuted. This student, however, knew exactly what he needed and who he needed help from. He told me because he wanted me to know why he was going to miss school and also why he was a little freaked out the day before. But he had a staff member go with him to court, he had a meeting the day before with his therapist, he was talking about it when he needed to, and journaling about things that were stressing him out. I know that he was a bit of a wreck, but he pulled through it all like a serious champ. I admire his strength so much.
In fact, I admire all of my students to an insane degree. Yea, I have been with guys that have treated me like crap, but they have never been violent, I have been depressed and felt worthless, but I have never thought that I needed to end my life, I have been betrayed, but no one has ever crossed the line that far. I have carried my share of burdens in my life, but my students carry so much and still find joy and love everyday. How could I not love my job? I have the opportunity to work with and care for some of the most amazing young people in the world. Life at BABS might not always be pretty, but it is always beautiful.
I have mentioned this to many of you before, but my decision to come to Bethel was made in a very similar way to how I decided to go to Seattle University. I tried to convince myself to go somewhere less expensive, but not-so-deep-down I knew that SU was where I belonged. Then, when I was applying for JVC, I knew I wanted to be in Bethel, even though that kind of terrified me. Looking back on the past few months, on my job, on my friendships, my roommates, my life, it is immediately clear that I made another great decision. Now, I just need to wait for my gut to tell me what I need to do about next year! (Unfortunately, my gut is being stubbornly quiet these days, I will let you know when I find out more.)
Anyway, I still love you. I still miss you. And I am still very grateful for all of you, the wonderful people in my life. Thank you!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Broomball, Babes, Basketball and BABS in Bethel!
I guess I like lists. I mean, I hate organization. But I always find myself writing my blogs as lists. Well, enjoy my list of recent interesting activities!
1. I have started accompanying my roommate Ariel on her visits to the “kiddie jail.” It is actually called the Bethel Youth Facility (or BYF), but nothing in Bethel is really called it’s real name. BYF is divided into two parts, short term and long term. The short term kids are there on a monthly basis, the long term kids are there for years, or until they turn 18 and move to the real jail. When we go and visit them, we all sing religious songs (with hand motions!), pray and just sit around and talk. I have spent more time with the kids on the short term side and they are great. They are young kids who have gotten themselves in quite a bit of trouble, obviously, but they are such a joy to be around. I feel blessed to spend time with them. I have only visited the long term side once and we played volleyball! That is actually the reason I went, Ariel told me that they liked playing volleyball and so I jumped on the chance to get back on a volleyball court. Playing volleyball with them was hilarious. First of all, the court was tiny. I kept hitting everything off the walls instead of getting it into the court. Secondly, they do not really know how to play volleyball, it was full of blocked serves (illegal to block a serve), carries, backwards serves (where you face the wall and serve it over your head), and other ridiculous things. After we had played for a while, we went back into the main area and prayed. It was actually really awesome. To my parent and grandparent’s chagrin, I am questionably religious these days. I mean, I am a confirmed Catholic, I actually enjoy going to Church (most of the time…) and I believe in a higher power. But, I do not agree with many Catholic teachings, I hate the hypocrisy of many organized religions and I find myself flip-flopping a lot when it comes to making serious choices about religion and how it influences my life. Anyway, even me, in my messy religious state, saw the power or prayer for these boys. Ariel asked them to pray for each other, so A would pray for B, B would pray for C, ect. It made them obviously uncomfortable, but they came out with some really profound prayers for each other, it was beautiful.
2. Unfortunately, I do not go to BYF as much as I would like, because there is another activity that I (usually) enjoy at the same time. Broomball! Playing broomball is a ridiculous experience. First of all, it is freezing outside, literally. Last week, one of the guys came over to me about an hour into the game so that I could check his nose for frostbite. It was like -35 that day with wind chill, so it would have been completely feasible for him to be getting frostbite. I’m sure you think that I am nuts for enjoying this sport, spending 3 hours every Saturday freezing my butt off just to hit a little orange ball around on a frozen pond… and I think I might be a nuts. In fact, everyone that plays is a little off their rocker. Every week you can find 40/50 year old men who still think they are the hot shot 20 somethings that they used to be, so they are all intense and yelling and mean. Then you have the 12 year old boy who likes to beat me up. No joke. I am one of the two or three women who usually play, I am not very good and not very intense. It seems like a totally waste of energy to get intense about something I kind of suck at and so for the most part, the guys leave me alone. They play rough with each other but not with me. I get lots of positive feedback, “good job Jill! That was awesome!” (I just passed the puck to a teammate who was like two feet from me… thanks guys) I feel like I should be upset about this unfair treatment, but lets be honest. I am too much of a wimp and if they treated me like one of the guys, I wouldn’t last. There is one glaring exception to the “be nice to Jill” rule, however. The little boy. He is constantly pushing me around, getting in my way and stealing the ball from me (well, everyone does that, but he is more of a jerk about it). Last week, he even wacked my hand with his stick. Now, I realize he does it to everyone else and I am being a total wimp, but it is a pretty humbling experience. Every week, I get owned by a pre-teen. (Sidenote: I wrote this part before I went to broomball on Saturday, and I have great news to report. I figured out how to beat the pre-teen! Be on his team. Haha)
3. Also, this past week from Tuesday until Friday afternoon, I was the girls dorm parent. Basically, that meant, I spent the nights at the dorm with the girls, helped them with their homework, helped them do their homework, hung out and just joked around with them for three nights straight. Well, it was supposed to be three nights, but it was actually only 2. The third night, the girls were out at a basketball game until late so I was by myself for most of the night, and then one of the girls didn’t come home at all. Great. I was responsible for them for three nights and I lost one?!!?! Turns out, she was safe, but she had forgotten to check out with me before she left. That was a little bit stressful. But, it was a really fun experience. I love those girls. (these are the babes my title referred to, just so you know, haha)
4. I am dog sitting for the terrifyingly huge dog again. He still weighs 120 lbs. He could still kill a bear. He still needs pills shoved down his throat every night. But, now he also needs ointment put on his nose twice a day. It is an antibiotic cream for a scab he got by getting his nose stuck in the fence. The scab is starting to heal but it still looks painful. I’m sure you can guess how happy Lucas is when I start rubbing the lotion into his nose. Yikes. Well, so far, so good. I still have all 10 fingers! (Dog sitting ended last night and I am still all in one piece. Thank goodness!)
5. We didn’t have school on Friday because it was “spring break.” Guess what I did? I went over to a friend’s house and spent 6 hours watching Star Trek. No joke. There were 6 of us that gathered to finish season 1. I am not a huge Star Trek fan, I remember watching some episodes with my dad when I was younger but that was about it. And surprisingly (or not that surprisingly, if you know me at all), I really enjoyed watching the show. Oh and guess what adventure earned me? I have officially been elevated from "nerd-friendly" status to "a nerd’s dream girl" status. Sweet. Haha.
6. On Saturday, my roommates and I all went to the girl’s championship village basketball game. All of the local village teams came to Bethel this weekend to compete for a place at the state tournament and I am excited to say that the Kwethluk Lady Kings will be heading to Anchorage to represent this area. Kwethluk is a village close to Bethel that is home to a few of my students. Actually, the Chefornak Lady Shamans represented some of my other students, so I would have been happy no matter who won. Now, I haven’t played basketball since 8th grade and haven’t really spent a whole lot of time watching it, but this was a weird game to watch. My roommate PJ found the word that describes it perfectly, frantic. I felt almost stressed watching them play. Or maybe I was stressed because I was crammed in the BRHS gym that was packed way over capacity and filled with tons of intense fans. Whichever it was, it was definitely an interesting experience.
7. On Sunday I got a frantic phone call from one of the girl’s dorm parents. Apparently, one of the pipes in the dorm had burst and it was leaking water all over the floor. I rushed over there and luckily my roommate Justin joined me because I had no idea what to do. By the time we got there, Starr was just arriving and the construction teacher was on his way too. It didn’t take long for them to figure out how to turn the water off and to fix the pipe. But, the fun part was cleaning up afterwards. It has been super cold here the past few weeks and the water was actually starting to freeze in the entryway. But, we got it all cleaned up and everything turned out just fine.
8. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the only BABS drama this week. As I walked into school Monday morning, I was greeted with, “Don’t touch anything, this is a crime scene.” Sometime between when the pipes burst and when Starr got to school the next morning, someone broke into BABS, stole $1700 in cash from our safe (which they seriously battered) and broke one of our doors. It is pretty upsetting to know that someone would steal from a school and I really hope that they find the jerk who did it.
9. On a brighter note, Ariel, Joe and I have started a new tradition! Joe has started reading Ariel and I a bedtime story every night. Oh, first of all, fun fact. Ariel and I share a bed now. Well, technically we don’t. We pushed our beds together, so now we have a double wide Queen size bed. It is pretty fun. But anyway, Joe comes in every night and reads us a chapter or two from Northern Lights, a Nora Roberts romance novel based in Alaska. It is actually surprisingly accurate, so if you want a more professionally written version of life in Alaska, you might pick it up! On second thought, since we are only on chapter 5 and haven’t gotten to any of the juicy parts yet, maybe I shouldn’t be encouraging anyone to read it yet… I should also make it clear that the setting is the surprisingly accurate part, not the romance part. (But, like I just said, we haven’t read any real romance novel-y parts yet, so maybe it will be accurate too, *wink wink*) ((Just kidding! No exciting Bethel romance for me to report, sorry!))
Ok, time to walk home. OH! But first, another exciting thing. I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT. Like, actually the light. I can watch the sun start to rise on my walk to work and then the sun doesn’t set until like 6:30/7. Amazing. So, I guess now it is time to enjoy the -10 degree (-30 with wind chill) weather and the sunlight.
Love and miss you all!
1. I have started accompanying my roommate Ariel on her visits to the “kiddie jail.” It is actually called the Bethel Youth Facility (or BYF), but nothing in Bethel is really called it’s real name. BYF is divided into two parts, short term and long term. The short term kids are there on a monthly basis, the long term kids are there for years, or until they turn 18 and move to the real jail. When we go and visit them, we all sing religious songs (with hand motions!), pray and just sit around and talk. I have spent more time with the kids on the short term side and they are great. They are young kids who have gotten themselves in quite a bit of trouble, obviously, but they are such a joy to be around. I feel blessed to spend time with them. I have only visited the long term side once and we played volleyball! That is actually the reason I went, Ariel told me that they liked playing volleyball and so I jumped on the chance to get back on a volleyball court. Playing volleyball with them was hilarious. First of all, the court was tiny. I kept hitting everything off the walls instead of getting it into the court. Secondly, they do not really know how to play volleyball, it was full of blocked serves (illegal to block a serve), carries, backwards serves (where you face the wall and serve it over your head), and other ridiculous things. After we had played for a while, we went back into the main area and prayed. It was actually really awesome. To my parent and grandparent’s chagrin, I am questionably religious these days. I mean, I am a confirmed Catholic, I actually enjoy going to Church (most of the time…) and I believe in a higher power. But, I do not agree with many Catholic teachings, I hate the hypocrisy of many organized religions and I find myself flip-flopping a lot when it comes to making serious choices about religion and how it influences my life. Anyway, even me, in my messy religious state, saw the power or prayer for these boys. Ariel asked them to pray for each other, so A would pray for B, B would pray for C, ect. It made them obviously uncomfortable, but they came out with some really profound prayers for each other, it was beautiful.
2. Unfortunately, I do not go to BYF as much as I would like, because there is another activity that I (usually) enjoy at the same time. Broomball! Playing broomball is a ridiculous experience. First of all, it is freezing outside, literally. Last week, one of the guys came over to me about an hour into the game so that I could check his nose for frostbite. It was like -35 that day with wind chill, so it would have been completely feasible for him to be getting frostbite. I’m sure you think that I am nuts for enjoying this sport, spending 3 hours every Saturday freezing my butt off just to hit a little orange ball around on a frozen pond… and I think I might be a nuts. In fact, everyone that plays is a little off their rocker. Every week you can find 40/50 year old men who still think they are the hot shot 20 somethings that they used to be, so they are all intense and yelling and mean. Then you have the 12 year old boy who likes to beat me up. No joke. I am one of the two or three women who usually play, I am not very good and not very intense. It seems like a totally waste of energy to get intense about something I kind of suck at and so for the most part, the guys leave me alone. They play rough with each other but not with me. I get lots of positive feedback, “good job Jill! That was awesome!” (I just passed the puck to a teammate who was like two feet from me… thanks guys) I feel like I should be upset about this unfair treatment, but lets be honest. I am too much of a wimp and if they treated me like one of the guys, I wouldn’t last. There is one glaring exception to the “be nice to Jill” rule, however. The little boy. He is constantly pushing me around, getting in my way and stealing the ball from me (well, everyone does that, but he is more of a jerk about it). Last week, he even wacked my hand with his stick. Now, I realize he does it to everyone else and I am being a total wimp, but it is a pretty humbling experience. Every week, I get owned by a pre-teen. (Sidenote: I wrote this part before I went to broomball on Saturday, and I have great news to report. I figured out how to beat the pre-teen! Be on his team. Haha)
3. Also, this past week from Tuesday until Friday afternoon, I was the girls dorm parent. Basically, that meant, I spent the nights at the dorm with the girls, helped them with their homework, helped them do their homework, hung out and just joked around with them for three nights straight. Well, it was supposed to be three nights, but it was actually only 2. The third night, the girls were out at a basketball game until late so I was by myself for most of the night, and then one of the girls didn’t come home at all. Great. I was responsible for them for three nights and I lost one?!!?! Turns out, she was safe, but she had forgotten to check out with me before she left. That was a little bit stressful. But, it was a really fun experience. I love those girls. (these are the babes my title referred to, just so you know, haha)
4. I am dog sitting for the terrifyingly huge dog again. He still weighs 120 lbs. He could still kill a bear. He still needs pills shoved down his throat every night. But, now he also needs ointment put on his nose twice a day. It is an antibiotic cream for a scab he got by getting his nose stuck in the fence. The scab is starting to heal but it still looks painful. I’m sure you can guess how happy Lucas is when I start rubbing the lotion into his nose. Yikes. Well, so far, so good. I still have all 10 fingers! (Dog sitting ended last night and I am still all in one piece. Thank goodness!)
5. We didn’t have school on Friday because it was “spring break.” Guess what I did? I went over to a friend’s house and spent 6 hours watching Star Trek. No joke. There were 6 of us that gathered to finish season 1. I am not a huge Star Trek fan, I remember watching some episodes with my dad when I was younger but that was about it. And surprisingly (or not that surprisingly, if you know me at all), I really enjoyed watching the show. Oh and guess what adventure earned me? I have officially been elevated from "nerd-friendly" status to "a nerd’s dream girl" status. Sweet. Haha.
6. On Saturday, my roommates and I all went to the girl’s championship village basketball game. All of the local village teams came to Bethel this weekend to compete for a place at the state tournament and I am excited to say that the Kwethluk Lady Kings will be heading to Anchorage to represent this area. Kwethluk is a village close to Bethel that is home to a few of my students. Actually, the Chefornak Lady Shamans represented some of my other students, so I would have been happy no matter who won. Now, I haven’t played basketball since 8th grade and haven’t really spent a whole lot of time watching it, but this was a weird game to watch. My roommate PJ found the word that describes it perfectly, frantic. I felt almost stressed watching them play. Or maybe I was stressed because I was crammed in the BRHS gym that was packed way over capacity and filled with tons of intense fans. Whichever it was, it was definitely an interesting experience.
7. On Sunday I got a frantic phone call from one of the girl’s dorm parents. Apparently, one of the pipes in the dorm had burst and it was leaking water all over the floor. I rushed over there and luckily my roommate Justin joined me because I had no idea what to do. By the time we got there, Starr was just arriving and the construction teacher was on his way too. It didn’t take long for them to figure out how to turn the water off and to fix the pipe. But, the fun part was cleaning up afterwards. It has been super cold here the past few weeks and the water was actually starting to freeze in the entryway. But, we got it all cleaned up and everything turned out just fine.
8. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the only BABS drama this week. As I walked into school Monday morning, I was greeted with, “Don’t touch anything, this is a crime scene.” Sometime between when the pipes burst and when Starr got to school the next morning, someone broke into BABS, stole $1700 in cash from our safe (which they seriously battered) and broke one of our doors. It is pretty upsetting to know that someone would steal from a school and I really hope that they find the jerk who did it.
9. On a brighter note, Ariel, Joe and I have started a new tradition! Joe has started reading Ariel and I a bedtime story every night. Oh, first of all, fun fact. Ariel and I share a bed now. Well, technically we don’t. We pushed our beds together, so now we have a double wide Queen size bed. It is pretty fun. But anyway, Joe comes in every night and reads us a chapter or two from Northern Lights, a Nora Roberts romance novel based in Alaska. It is actually surprisingly accurate, so if you want a more professionally written version of life in Alaska, you might pick it up! On second thought, since we are only on chapter 5 and haven’t gotten to any of the juicy parts yet, maybe I shouldn’t be encouraging anyone to read it yet… I should also make it clear that the setting is the surprisingly accurate part, not the romance part. (But, like I just said, we haven’t read any real romance novel-y parts yet, so maybe it will be accurate too, *wink wink*) ((Just kidding! No exciting Bethel romance for me to report, sorry!))
Ok, time to walk home. OH! But first, another exciting thing. I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT. Like, actually the light. I can watch the sun start to rise on my walk to work and then the sun doesn’t set until like 6:30/7. Amazing. So, I guess now it is time to enjoy the -10 degree (-30 with wind chill) weather and the sunlight.
Love and miss you all!
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