The Human Roller Coaster!

It has been quite a while since my last blog and a lot has happened in my life. I guess it is time for another list, this is a list of all the things in my life that have made me the human roller coaster of emotions!

1. Back on May 15th, I watched as 6 of my students received their high school diploma. That was an awesome experience. Because we are such a small school, every student had the opportunity (whether they wanted it or not… they didn’t have a choice) to give a graduation speech. In their speeches, these students recognized the people who had helped them get to graduation, the obstacles that almost prevented them and the hope that they had for the future, theirs and all other BABS students’. The ceremony was beautiful, full of tears, laughter, jokes and heartfelt thanks. I was the punch line of quite a few of the graduate’s speeches, somehow, once again, I earned the nickname “The Enforcer.” (For those of you who don’t know, when I was an Orientation Coordinator, that is what many Orientation Advisors called me.) I choose to believe that this nickname is always bestowed affectionately, in a “Wow, I really wish that you’d leave me alone so that I can take my nap in peace, I really don’t care about my Alaska Studies worksheet… but when I look back on this, I will be glad that I passed the class.” So anyway, graduation was awesome, I felt like a mother hen, walking around, so proud of my little chicks (and gents). The ceremony, however, wasn’t always upbeat. BABS is a zero tolerance school and so our students are dismissed if they have used drugs or alcohol. In the 6 weeks before graduation, 5 students were dismissed and 2 of them were students who were supposed to graduate. Their absence was felt by everyone. The two that didn’t make it to the stage were also two students who were very close to my heart. BABS is a small school, so I had the opportunity to get to know every student pretty well, but these two were two of the students that I had spent the most time with over the year. I had spent time with both of them outside of school, I had spent countless hours with them working one-on-one, I had even edited their graduation speeches. It is hard for me to think about how close they both were, how excited they both were, and how disappointed in themselves they both were when they screwed it up. But of course, everything in life can be a learning experience and I truly believe that both of these students will be successful, they will earn their diplomas and they will do great things for the world. Roller coaster number 1.
2. After graduation, we had three more days with the rest of the students and then school was out for the summer! That didn’t mean that my work was finished, however. I believe that I have mentioned before that BABS is moving. We are moving out of our converted house and into a real school building. But, first, we had to get all of our stuff out of the house. 13 years worth of stuff. On the last day of school with the students, we all worked together to pack everything into boxes and move it down into the classrooms so that a moving company could pick it up the next day. I am not exaggerating when I say that the piles of boxes went almost to the ceiling and created a maze that you had to navigate to get from one side of the room to the other. Now, it would have been nice if we could have packed up all of the stuff and then had the movers move it into the new school and then I could have spent the summer unpacking it, but, that would be too easy! Instead, we packed it all up, the movers moved it to a gym and it will sit there until the beginning of August because the school isn’t done with its renovations yet. So anyway, it takes a ton of work to move all of the stuff out of the school, then Starr and I start moving all of the stuff out of the girls dorm. You know, dressers, bunk beds, mattresses, lamps, boxes of food, ect. All that light, easy to move stuff. Thankfully, we didn’t have to do it alone. Some volunteers for Fordham came to Bethel on a service trip and they were awesome and helped a ton. Then we got some men from the Tundra Center, a jail alternative, aka jail with a little bit more freedom, to help us move the super heavy stuff. They were also incredible and I can’t imagine having to do all that without our awesome volunteers. After we got all the stuff out of the school and dorm, the fun part was just beginning. Then, I got to spend the next week scrubbing, scraping, vacuuming, dusting, spackling, cursing, and developing sweet arm muscles. Yippee! You have no idea how relieved I was when I finally finished cleaning. Roller coaster number 2.
3. So, the kids are gone, the school is clean, what do I do for the rest of the summer? Good question! I am now working out of the old boy’s dorm, basically just hanging out all day in the living room of the dorm parents. Thanks Cory and Angie! My job this summer is to try and get our school full for next year. Unfortunately, that is turning out to be harder that I expected, no one wants to think about school yet! It is summer. All of my potential students are out at fish camp or visiting family or sleeping all day, basically what I would be doing if I were them. So, I do a lot of sitting at work. I do a lot of wishing the internet would work. I do a lot of wishing I still had students to hang out with. Yep, it is a very exciting life. So, it is nice to have little to do, but it also drive me nuts. Roller coaster number 3.
4. In order to keep my sanity, I have depended on my after work activities. I have done some pretty cool things recently. I mentioned fish camp earlier. Fish camps are basically like shacks on the side of the river that families inherit and go to during the summer during fish season to fish, to cut fish, to hang fish, to dry fish, and to relax. I have not been to a fish camp this summer, but I have gone fishing and I have learned how to cut and dry fish. The other day I went out on the river with a former JV and friend and we went drift netting. I had never done that before and apparently we didn’t do very well but I was still impressed with the 3 King salmon and 5 chum that we caught. Then, we went back to shore and cut them. O’Hara Corporation family and friends, you will be very disappointed in me. I am not a natural fish fillet-er. I get the job done but it is definitely not pretty. So, that was my fishing experience. I also had a fish cutting and drying lesson from our support person, Sally Russell. Basically, what people do up here is get a ton of fish and then cut them in strips or in fillets and hang them to dry for about a week, then you smoke them for another week or so. Then, you will have fish to eat for the entire year! Ariel and I are doing our best to help people who are fishing or drying the fish as much as possible so that we will have fish for next year. This isn't a roller coaster at all, it is just cool.
5. Next year?!?!?! What is she talking about, next year? Who is this Ariel girl? I bet you probably have some questions. Well, I have made the decision to stay in Bethel for another year. Actually, I made the decision to stay, then made the decision to move back to Seattle, then Bethel, then anywhere but Bethel, then Bethel, then Seattle, and now I am back on the Bethel train. Goodness. Aren’t you glad that I haven’t written a blog recently? Haha. Well, so anyway, I am planning on living with my roommate Ariel, who is staying and working at TWC, the local women’s shelter. I have a job, I will be working as a reading tutor for 7th and 8th graders and coaching JV volleyball. Sweet! We don’t know where we are going to be living yet, we are still working on that. But yea, that is definitely a roller coaster of emotion for me. I feel bad for Ariel, who has to put up with my constant second-guessing and mind-changing. Roller coaster number 4.
6. In other news, the play that I was going to be in was cancelled. Sad day. Only, it wasn’t so sad at all. It was a lot of work and it just wasn’t coming together. It may happen another time, but so far, Bethel is spared a Jill Bruton version of No Exit. Another non-roller coaster. No big deal, just interesting news!
7. Unfortunately, Bethel has not been spared another episode of Jill Bruton’s relationship drama. As some of you know, I was dating someone. He is an awesome person and I was very lucky to be with him. He was very good for me, he challenged me to be a better person and a better softball player, yes that is right, he even convinced me to play softball. I have discovered recently that I am kind of an athlete (I wish I had known that when I was younger!), but softball is not my thing. I was very blessed to have someone like him to challenge me and help me improve. Unfortunately, I screwed it all up. Big time. I am so used to being the one who gets hurt in relationships, it is weird to be in the opposite position. It sucks. To make this blog entry go in a full circle, I can see many parallels between the students who ruined their chance at graduation and me. I couldn’t understand how they would risk losing their chance at a successful graduation just for a couple of drinks but I can’t see how I could risk losing a wonderful guy by making a stupid decision. At times like this I realize, I am not as mature, as loving, as kind, or as smart as I would like to think. I have a lot to learn. Big time roller coaster. Number 6.

So, I have been through a lot in the past few months since my last blog. I have felt a lot of happiness and joy, sadness and despair, I have felt ready to stick around Bethel for another year, I have felt trapped in Bethel and needed to get out. I am a human rollercoaster of emotions. But, I’m riding it. What can I say? I am a 22 (almost 23) year old woman with lots of potential and lots to learn.

Anyway, time to get back to work, expect another blog soon with everything I have left out of this blog. And, as usual, I love you and miss you all lots!