I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing. ~Agatha Christie

One of the first weeks of work, I spent a while compiling a bunch of quotes that I hoped would inspire my students. My plan was to post them in the bathroom, because there is nothing better than a captive audience! I never actually got them all posted up, but this is one that has stuck in my memory. This week was full of amazing highs and heartbreaking lows. The weirdest thing, though, was how often they came together.

My students are constantly surrounded by death, addiction and violence. There have been so many announcements of people’s deaths recently, I have lost track. The incredible part of this community here is that, no matter who passes away, there is someone at BABS who is affected. We have had a ton of students missing because of their attendance at funerals recently. The worst part of this is that many are suicides or accidental deaths. It breaks my heart to see students in mourning for loved ones so often. I know that I have nothing in my experience that can compare to this.

But, the joy that I have found in my students is inspiring. Right after I found out that one of my student’s brothers hung himself, I found myself outside learning how to make bird calls with two hilarious students. It had the dangly thing in the back of my throat tickling and me looking like a total fool but laughing really hard.

Even at volleyball practice, I find such uplifting spirits. There was one day this week that I was exhausted and didn’t want to go to practice, but once I got there, I felt like I was at a slumber party. Sooo much giggling and teasing. It was beautiful.

Or, the other day, a life situation made me cry. I was a bit of an emotional mess and the first person to see me was my roommate John. He gave me some time to explain what was upsetting me and then within moments, he had me laughing super hard. I am sure that I will get to a point where I am in a funk that I cannot just bounce out of, but so far, I keep feeling absolutely blessed to be in such an incredible place with such amazing people.

This blog has had a decidedly sad feel, so I will finish up on a lighter note. Bethel has two radio stations. One AM and one FM. The FM station is Christian radio, like intense Christian radio. Bible verses, gospel songs and even a money talk show where you can learn how to use your money religiously (I don’t really know, its not like I seek out that station all that much…) It is really entertaining sometimes though, they have little radio plays. You will turn on the radio and it will be some weird little story. The other radio station has quite the variety. In the morning there is the English news, which I am usually walking to work during, then the Yup’ik news (in Yup’ik) that I listen to during my school bus driving. Then there is a fun Native talk show where they debate Native issues and such. But, my favorite part of the day is from 3:30-4. Its birthday line time! People from Bethel and surrounding villages call in and wish other people happy birthday. One of my students actually works there and sometimes answers the phones. “You’re on the birthday line!” Its always fun. My favorite is when people call in and forget who they are calling for… “I’d like to wish ……. Uh…..um….. I forget. I’ll call back.” That doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it is priceless.

Also, fun fact, I have Skype now. If you don’t know what Skype is, it is a mix between instant messaging, calling and actually speaking to someone. If you have a webcam, you can video chat. I did this for the first time a few days ago and it is pretty cool. And it’s free. (For those of you Skype experts, sorry, my family reads these and I doubt they do) Anyway, the name is jill.bruton if you wanna chat me up. Lets schedule an appointment sometime so I can make sure I have internet :)

Ok, that’s it. Love and miss you all!
Jill

More Car Fun and Some Reflection!

Well, today I had more car issues. I took the old van home from BABS this weekend. I had been warned that this car was a POS but I was living large/didn't want to walk home in the rain. But anyway, this morning, as I pulled out of the driveway, the passenger side door flew open. I put the car in park and went over to investigate. I tried closing the door hard, like slamming it shut. I tried being gentle. I tried pulling up the handle while I closed it. I tried pushing down the handle. Nothing worked. So finally, I grabbed some mittens tied together with a rope, wrapped the rope around the handle of the door and held tight onto the rope. Then I drove to work. One hand on the steering wheel, one hand on the rope. Everytime I went above 25 mph or turned a corner, I thought my hand might rip off. It was a great time. Haha.

I feel so blessed these days. I love my job, I have really great roommates, I love coaching volleyball and I just enjoy being in Bethel. This experience is crazy but I am genuinely loving it. This week Jamie, our area director, has been here. Her visit has really helped me realize how great my experiences here have been. I am an auditory processer, as in I need to talk things out before I can really come to any conclusions or really figure out what I think. During my discussions with Jamie, I kept feeling surprised by how positive this experience has been so far. Granted, it sucked being sick, but I’m better now and I think that my time away from BABS made me appreciate my job even more. Stuff with my roommates hasn’t been easy all the time, but so far, it has always turned out well. I often have moments where I miss my family and friends and want to call everyone, but I know that I can’t.

Bema and Bampie sent me a camera this week so I spent a lot of time this weekend taking pictures of Bethel and a few of my roommates and our house, so I will be posting them ASAP. I am excited for everyone to be able to see where I am living these days. I know that it took me a bit of time to adjust to the new scenery but right now I am getting nervous for when I reenter civilization, I don’t know what I am going to do with all the crowds and buildings ect. Haha.

In some ways I feel like I am at an overnight summer camp. I remember when I went to Camp Hamilton, after a week without radio or flushing toilets or the ability to choose my own food, all these little things seemed so strange. I can’t imagine what it will be like to have all these freedoms again. But, I will have the opportunity to begin to find out soon. In two weeks, I will be heading to Wasilla (Palin’s town!!!!) for my JVC fall retreat with the other Alaska JVs. I will have the ability to use my cell phone (!!!), to visit Anchorage for a bit (!!!) and see the other Alaska JVs and compare and share experiences (!!!). I’m pretty excited about that.

I can’t think of much else to say. I know I need to get better at calling all of you. I miss the sound of my family and friends’ voices. But even if you don’t hear from me often, please, please, remember how much I love you. Because it is a lot. Like thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssss much. Times 1,000,000,000,000. Squared. Times infinity.

Love you!
Jill